You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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