yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
