so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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