New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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