lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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