My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
