And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
