M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
