haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
