I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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