I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
