i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
