smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
