yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
