Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
