Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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