I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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