i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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