After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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