I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
