If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
