They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
