So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
