Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
