this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
