New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize