I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
