now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Randomize
