are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept