theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Drunk is not a location!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
