Texts From Last Night

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  (913): View more from Kansas

  i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.

  (816): View more from Missouri

  i think im in thre room next to you

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  (913): i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me. (816): i think im in thre room next to you http://tfl.nu/b5hq
  Replies (28) Good night (2053) Bad night (575)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.

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  (203): I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you. http://tfl.nu/ig1m
  Replies (8) Good night (1505) Bad night (687)
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  (516): View more from New York

  I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"

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  (516): I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!" http://tfl.nu/g6w4
  Replies (81) Good night (4996) Bad night (1024)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex

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  (712): I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex http://tfl.nu/ubpb
  Replies (20) Good night (3598) Bad night (931)
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.

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  (229): Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night. http://tfl.nu/4bxb
  Replies (10) Good night (4834) Bad night (1647)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.

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  (603): i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't. http://tfl.nu/rtpf
  Replies (12) Good night (7588) Bad night (997)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.

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  (+44): She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home. http://tfl.nu/8tny
  Replies (6) Good night (5125) Bad night (777)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker

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  (208): the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker http://tfl.nu/9orb
  Replies (6) Good night (2120) Bad night (975)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.

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  (262): Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head. http://tfl.nu/w9hs
  Replies (19) Good night (2746) Bad night (650)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.

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  (214): She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water. http://tfl.nu/39g2
  Replies (11) Good night (712) Bad night (1804)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.

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  (505): All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks. http://tfl.nu/p1dl
  Replies (6) Good night (1865) Bad night (413)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs

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  (908): If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs http://tfl.nu/w28c
  Replies (1) Good night (591) Bad night (338)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.

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  (773): okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis. http://tfl.nu/pm2x
  Replies (2) Good night (319) Bad night (747)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.

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  (517): for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative. http://tfl.nu/mxb3
  Replies (5) Good night (244) Bad night (801)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?

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  (336): DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS? http://tfl.nu/gt1x
  Replies (1) Good night (590) Bad night (358)

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