at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
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So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
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shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
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