you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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