Texts From Last Night

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  (516): View more from New York

  Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.

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  (516): Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses. http://tfl.nu/khuc
  Replies (12) Good night (715) Bad night (1841)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night

  (631): View more from New York

  U should. Its a good ice breaker

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  (740): Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night (631): U should. Its a good ice breaker http://tfl.nu/6sdf
  Replies (10) Good night (3707) Bad night (744)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"

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  (334): Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?" http://tfl.nu/nosa
  Replies (50) Good night (1025) Bad night (4847)
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  (+44): View more from England

  mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.

  (+44): View more from England

  "and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"

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  (+44): mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes. (+44): "and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'" http://tfl.nu/aeg7
  Replies (32) Good night (4494) Bad night (1457)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same

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  (561): so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same http://tfl.nu/2qn4
  Replies (9) Good night (5150) Bad night (1038)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.

  (1-201): View more from New Jersey

  You're a rent hooker.

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  (201): No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both. (1-201): You're a rent hooker. http://tfl.nu/wbsz
  Replies (14) Good night (3762) Bad night (1086)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers

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  (617): His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers http://tfl.nu/2b5k
  Replies (9) Good night (1825) Bad night (983)
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  (530): View more from California

  the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible

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  (530): the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible http://tfl.nu/pzql
  Replies (5) Good night (605) Bad night (2115)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.

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  (+44): This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night. http://tfl.nu/3g1n
  Replies (5) Good night (1834) Bad night (1016)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.

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  (989): Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door. http://tfl.nu/7hia
  Replies (4) Good night (1408) Bad night (670)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.

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  (903): You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss. http://tfl.nu/y1tc
  Replies (5) Good night (640) Bad night (1406)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.

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  (414): you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business. http://tfl.nu/y67z
  Replies (4) Good night (691) Bad night (331)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.

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  (270): I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony. http://tfl.nu/dln2
  Replies (1) Good night (607) Bad night (318)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?

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  (913): speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall? http://tfl.nu/3y98
  Replies (1) Good night (760) Bad night (267)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.

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  (678): If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself. http://tfl.nu/rz6k
  Replies (5) Good night (1206) Bad night (333)

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