Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
where are you?
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
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just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
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You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla