No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
