I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
