i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
