I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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