Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
