I wannas sexs uuuuu
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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