i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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