I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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