You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
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He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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