I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
do herpes really smell.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
