u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
