Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
