I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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