hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
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It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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