Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize