May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
