did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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