I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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