we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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