Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
home. puking in laundry basket.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
porn star boner night. come get it.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
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