I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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