Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
