I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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