im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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