So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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