Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Randomize
