You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
