seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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