I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
