Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
