well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
