Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
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She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
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Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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