life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
