Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
third nipple confirmed
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
