They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
