Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
