He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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