ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
