At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
