I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Randomize
