Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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