Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
