she looked like the before picture.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
