a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i came on her dog
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
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