She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize