I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
