What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
