He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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