I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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