he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
