Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
