saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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